Why Men Cheat
Mar 27, 2009
Why men cheat
I'm not going to give you a long and drawn out dissertation on why men do it, nor will I beat you over the head with the same thing that you've heard over and over again. I'll simply say this, (and I'm not going to explain it here but feel free to e-mail me,):
In life, you won't always get what you want, but you will get who you are.
Do men need professional psychological help?
Mar 20, 2009
Why is it that men are less likely to seek professional psychological help than women? Because men hate to admit weakness. That's part of us being men. All of our lives we've been socialized not to show it because it invites exploitation. In youth, oftentimes, that's the case. Growing boys pick on weak kids, and girls tend to go after boys who show power and control. That's why athletes always have the finest girls in the room.
With that in mind, do you know what one of men's worst fears is? I shouldn't tell this because it breaks one of the Man Laws. Its in chapter 6, section 2, article 7 of the Man Handbook. Anyway, here goes: Men are afraid of dating women who make more money than them because they're afraid that if an argument comes up, she'll say, “Get your broke ass outta my face,” and in his eyes, there is no retort. Men are socialized to be the bread winner, the strong one, and are also socialized to marry down. Women, however, are socialized to marry up. When this rule of thumb is broken, trouble is likely to follow. Now, I'm not saying that it can't work, but the likelihood of the relationship working decreases if she makes more money.
Men, don't be so quick to say that you're the exception. Chances are, you're not. Recognize that this situation could be problematic so be honest. Be willing to admit that you may have issues that need to be addressed by a professional and understand that the “art of surrender” can be a pathway to fulfillment.
Lastly, ladies, I just saw on the news that for the first time in history there are more women in the workforce than men, and that these tough economic times are hitting men disproportionately. So stop sucking your teeth, stop rolling your neck, and take your hand off of your hip. Show some sensitivity.
Sleep
Mar 12, 2009
Sleep. How many hours a night do you get? Nine? Six? Four? Most in medical circles say that eight is enough, (no pun intended.) But do we really need that much sleep to function? My opinion is that we don't. However, we do need at least that much to function optimally. If you're up for it, try sleeping for only six hours a night for one week, then try eight. I guarantee you'll feel the 14 hour difference and realize that eight is better. So for those of you who sleep six hours a night or less, in the words of my mother, “Take ya ass upstairs and go to bed!”
My new film
Mar 05, 2009
I finally finished my first documentary short-film. It's a 15 minute short entitled, "What black women want in a man." It consists of 5 interviews of women whose ages range from the 30 to 70. I'll be uploading it to the site in a few weeks but first have to resolve a few sound issues. Nothing major, though.
Even though it focuses on black women, their answers are universal. Pretty much, black women want the same as any other woman: To be treated like a lady; and with that comes love, respect, and honor. Even though the film is about what black women want, I don't want anyone to get the impression that black men don't or can't give what these women are looking for. That would be stereotyping; for there are a lot of good black men out there, both married and single.
Speaking of stereotyping, where did the "docile white woman" thing come from? I've been around a lot of white women in my life, in the workforce, college, etc ., and I don't find them to be any less docile than black women. But I will say that black women are a more "on guard" during the initial stages of courtships and platonic relationships, but that's because of the many social-psychological factors over the last 100 or so years that I don't want to get into right now. Also, white women can be just as stern, or strong, or stubborn for that matter, as any other women.
Back to the film, you're not going to hear any outrageous sound bites, crying, or bashing. This isn't a Jerry Springer Show. These are intelligent, beautiful black women giving their opinion. No they do not speak for all black women, however, I believe that all women will relate to their answers. So, keep checking back for the film. It will be worth it.
Age Appropriate
Feb 27, 2009
March is almost here and that means warm weather is soon to come. It's time to get serious about getting that body in summer-time shape. Actually, those of you who haven't started should have done so back in January. You definitely don't want to look like the guy who wears short pants with his shirt tucked in with his belt pulled so tight that he looks like someone is squeezing a half inflated balloon. Ladies, if you're over 40, shirts that show your midriff are a no-no. Come on, now. You're not Angela Bassett. Let it go. Look age-appropriate.
As for children, their bodies are growing faster than they were just 25 years ago. Girls are getting periods before age 11, and some even wear D cup bras by age 14. We can't stop their natural growth but we can dress them age appropriately. Be mindful that even though she's young, she's still built like an adult. Unfortunately there are predators in our midst waiting to pounce, and no matter how mature you think your sweet little pumpkin pie is, she's no match for a boy that's several years older, or even a grown man.
Finally, start working out, not only because you'll look better, but do it because you'll have a better quality of life on the inside. Don't forget to dress your age. You can be sexy without looking like you're trying to recapture your youth. Remember, children are watching; they're not you and you're not them.
I once read a book by Dr. M. Scott Peck entitled “The Road Less Traveled”. He quotes Kahil Gibran's poem: Love Is Separateness
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backwards nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bow from which your children as living beings are set forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might that His arrow may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.
The hunt continues
Feb 16, 2009
A month has passed since I was laid off and I still haven't found work. But what's shocking is that I haven't even been called for an interview. Not that I'm cocky or anything, but I figured, with my credentials in the insurance industry, someone would at least give me a look. If they say, “You can't have the job,” after interviewing me, then, “So be it.” I can deal with that. Not being called in, that's a whole new ball game.
Today, companies have more qualified applicants coming in than they can handle. With downsizing and failed business, more and more prime people are on the market. It’s like the NFL: If the league went from 32 to 25 teams, the best players from the defunct teams would be on the market. Undoubtedly, they'd be picked up by the remaining teams. And with fewer jobs, the competition will be that much more stiff. Not only am I competing for jobs with people in my industry, I'm competing against those with my credentials and even more. I'll keep plugging away, searching for work, and looking for something to put money in my pocket until I can turn my true passions into profit.
As for my projects, I entered one of my short plays in a contest back in November. It’s a comedy about a couple who very early in their relationship, go to the woman's house for dinner and a movie. While cuddled up on the couch, the woman farts and neither of them know what to do. Their interaction is hilarious! Anyway, I hope to get the results in a few weeks. Wish me luck.
In addition to the full-length documentary that I'm shooting on the oratorical skill of African-Americans, I just finished shooting two ten-minute documentaries to add to my portfolio. The first one asks black men what they look for in a woman, and the second asks black women what they look for in a man. I'm editing them now and will post them on my website and Youtube in the coming months. Additionally I'm shooting a third, which asks everyone, “Do professional athletes make too much money? Why or why not?” The answers thus far are different from what I was expecting. I still have several more interviews to shoot.
Lastly, I've decided to start a business in video (not shooting weddings or anything like that,) but I'll give you the details in the coming months. It's unique and something that most of you will want to do for yourselves or for your relatives. That’s it for now, continue to keep me in your thoughts and prayers and feel free to drop me a line.
The party is over!
Feb 09, 2009
The last dance has been had, the last toast has been made, and the last kissy-kissy wuvvy-wuvvy display of kinship with the Republicans has ended: The party is over! But, it was one hell of a soirée. Our bus pulled out of Philadelphia at 4:30 am and arrived at the train station in Greenbelt Maryland by 7:30. Of the roughly 1000 parking space, I’d estimate 300 vehicles including 20 buses were there.
The line of people reaching out of the subway station waiting to board the train was as long as a football field. Inside, people were pushed together like they were at a rock concert. With video camera, still camera, and a hand-held digital voice recorder in tow, off I went to be a part of history.
The subway was packed. Push-push. Shove-shove. “Hey lady, your kid dropped her glove.” You should have seen me holding up the cameras, just a clicking and shooting away. In all, I took 109 pictures but only about a half an hour of video. When I got out of the subway, it was people as far as I could see. I simply followed the crowd hoping to get a good spot on the mall. No such luck because the checkpoint line was as long as three football fields. I spoke to a cop and he said that it would be best to make my way to the Washington Monument and come through there. So, off I went. It was about a two mile walk but I was pumped and more than willing to do it. Up went the cameras and “click, click, click” went my fingers.
The facial expressions had rushed looks, “I gotta get there before he speaks,” seemed to be the order. Children walked effortlessly with their parents while their minds were undoubtedly saying, “What’s the big deal?” My hands were cold because I couldn’t shoot with gloves on, thus I couldn’t keep the video camera out but for so long. But that was okay, as I knew I’d be getting more shots when they warmed up.
The feeling I got from the crowd was warm an enthusiastic but not like the Million Man March. Not to take anything away from the inauguration, but I guess the March meant a little more to me. (Feel free to e-mail me for my thoughts on that. claude@claudeparker.com.)
I wasn’t looking for it but the black to white ratio seemed obvious. May be I was expecting more whites; I don’t know. My estimate was 65% black. To put that into perspective, blacks are about 15% of the country’s population. If 65% of the 2.5 million people that were there were black, then that’s one hell of a discrepancy: This day meant a little more to us for all of the obvious reasons.
When I got close to the mall I looked at the Lincoln Memorial area where MLK made his famous speech. There were thousands standing in front of the jumbotrons. I thought to myself, "This can’t be where the president will speak." Then, it dawned on me that if this area was packed, the mall must be impossible. To the Washington Monument I went to set up camp. It’s kind of hilly around there, and taking in all of the people, it was as if I was staring down into a Big 10 football stadium on a warm Saturday afternoon in autumn. I met a man from Portland, Oregon who said that he had been in DC for the past three days. He did the tourist things but also partied. I asked him to take a picture of me and he obliged, “Move over a little. I want to get you with the Monument,” he said. When he handed me back the camera, I said, “That’s one hell of a shot. You obviously know what you’re doing.” He smiled, we exchanged a few more pleasantries, then went our separate ways.
As President Obama was finishing his speech, I headed back to the subway taking more pictures. I was dreading the walk back because my feet were cold and my legs were stiffening. Fortunately, a cop pointed me to a closer subway station. I hopped a train, transferred to another about 5 stops later, and made it safely back to my stop in Maryland.
When I got to the bus, a few women were already there. They said that they couldn’t make it over. After waking several blocks, it was just too much. My heart went out to them. But they delighted in the pictures I took and asked many questions. “Did you see any famous people,” “Were you with anyone from the bus”, "How did you survive that long walk," they asked. The main one was, “How close did you get?” “Nowhere near him,” I replied. Scheduled to leave at 3:00, the bus pulled out at 4:30. No one was going to get left. I took out my digital voice recorder when we reached the highway and told my story. Unfortunately, I was sitting below a speaker and picked up a lot of the music. Hopefully, I’ll be able to clean it up in editing.
The escape from reality was nice but now we must focus on getting the country back on track. The new president has a lot of work to do and so do we. Jobs lost, homes foreclosed on, shakey peace in the middle-east, and the bulls and bears are making this panic-stricken globe worse. Let us keep our heads in these troubled times and lets live with a positive purpose. For without it, iniquity will fall therein and continue to produce its kind.
Wife update II
Feb 09, 2009
My wife is resting comfortably at home, recovering from hip replacement surgery. She’s improving slowly, but that’s what I expected. The pain in her body from the Lupus still lingers, as does the chronic fatigue. The swelling in her leg and foot has subsided, and her spirits are so-so. She often feels icky. She walks with a walker; one of those things that you take two steps with, then put it further in front of you, then take another two steps, then keep repeating the process. She sleeps a lot. I don’t know weather it’s the medication or if she does it intentionally to escape the pain.
Her parents and sisters came down to see her on Saturday, which was uplifting. And her seeing her four-year old niece for the first time in 6 months was priceless. They bought cake, and cookies, and we sang “Happy Birthday”. We toasted her with wine as she opened her gifts. That was an even bigger pick-me-up. Everyone left by early evening except for her mother. She’s staying until Friday.
As for me, I’m hanging tough. Seeing her uncomfortable is disheartening, plus, I still haven’t found employment yet. It’s been 3 weeks since the layoff and I’m starting to wonder… I did get a package but that will only last for so long, and my unemployment hasn’t kicked in yet.
In the mean time, I’m still shooting the full-length documentary film, but at the same time, I decided to shoot three 10-minute documentaries to build my portfolio. The first one asks black men what they want in a woman, the second asks black women what they want in a man, and the third asks everyone, if they think professional athletes make too much money, why or why not. These are pretty easy for me to do, as I pride myself on being an excellent interviewer who can put people at ease and get them to reveal themselves on camera.
So the plan is to keep God first in everything, take care of my wife, and continue pursuing my goals. Just like the diamond cannot be perfected without friction nor can man without trials and tribulations. Remember, it’s the journey that makes us who we are. Not the destination.
Good News / Bad News
Jan 18, 2009
Whew! It’s been a long journey for my wife with regards to her hip replacement surgery. It happened on 12/17/08 and after one week of being in the hospital, she was placed in a rehab facility. Four days later, an infection set in which sent her back to the hospital. Fortunately, the doctors were able to get it under control and send her back to the rehab center. Finally, she’s coming home tomorrow, 1/19/09, and she can’t wait. After a month of hospital food, nurses waking her up to take medications, and physical therapists trying to make her move like Billy Blanks, she can have peace.
“God bless her.” She’s been through hell but saw it through. Actually, it’s been rough on me, too. Of course not nearly as rough as it was on her, but with the forty-minute hospital and rehab commutes, and seeing her in pain, I was stressing and it was gut wrenching. But she’ll be home tomorrow and we can get on with our lives. “Aaaaand breath.”
Unfortunately, Murphy’s Law tends to follow good news. Last Wednesday, I was laid off from my 9 to 5. They called me into the office and informed me that, “Your position is being terminated and you must leave immediately.” I was given a package that will last me a few months and I’ll lose my health benefits in two weeks. I wasn’t bitter or angry about it because I kind of expected it. The company was taken over by an international publicly traded corporation back in the spring of ’08 and that’s what happens when takeovers occur: Buh-bye!
After getting the news, I went to my office and packed. Within minutes I said to myself, “Thank you, God.” You see, I grew tired of seeing my bosses, all of whom are younger than me, fly off to vacations in France, South America, Central America, Asia, and throughout America, while I was sitting behind a desk making money for them. I grew tired of fighting in that fifty-minute commute, to and fro, for money that had me living from next week’s check to next week’s check. I grew tired of not pursuing my passions while seeing others enjoy the finer things in life and tell me about it.
If you have dreams and passions that are ready to come to fruition and you don’t move on them, sometimes, life will move on you. I didn’t have the balls to quit and “go get it”, so life moved on me saying, “Get your ass outta here and go do what you’re supposed to!” This is a golden opportunity for me to pursue my passions with a vengeance. And believe me, that’s exactly what I’m gonna do: Fight for it, work day and night for it, and give every ounce of my being to do what I was born to do. And with my faith in God and my wife at my side, it’s gonna happen. The door has been busted open and I’m coming in!
Below is a poem that I wrote back in the early 90s that fits my situation. Its entitled:
A tumultuous endeavor, a miraculous connection, a conscious decision to produce euphoria produces up-tights pondering thoughts of, "I'm better than you." Caviar Sir? Precocious ideology? Tah! Therapy.
Look at them: Full of themselves, "I. I. I. Me. Me. Me," while I'm pondering thoughts of , "Is it my turn yet," and, "What wrong have I done," and, "What pain have I caused," and, "How much did I make you lose?" None, man. None.
My power, you think you control. My talent you acquire but abuse and I hurt. My pressure stays normal. I soldier.
But, when husbands say, "My boss hasn't told me how high to jump yet," and wives say, "Your dinner gets colder every night," marriages turn into reunions, which lead to misuse, which lead to abuse. That creates an epilogue.
When money becomes primary, and dignity becomes secondary, and intellectual dialogue becomes “McTalk,” mediocrity commences and overwhelms like a downward spiraling plane out of control, i.e. McManagement, McCorporate.
The culprits look at us from the tower. Not realizing that their flight is next, they ease into a devilish grin and taste from a bowl that I made.
As for me, I soldier.
Sunday night was painful for I knew what lie ahead,
My useless, menial, unmotivating duties made me stay in bed.
Imagine doing what you hate every single day,
You might as well be in a casket praying you can stay.
Physically, socially, and emotionally drained to the point of exhaustion,
I decided to get out but proceed with caution.
It was hard, at first, to swim with sharks without any protection,
But now I am defended by my mastery and perfection,
Liberty at last, enjoyment at last, I'll never have to sob,
Damn I'm glad I left that other mutha fuckin' job!
The Inauguration: I'm there!
Jan 02, 2009
The inauguration is January 20, 2008 and I will be there. Back in April, one of my fraternity brother’s father in-law looked into renting a bus for friends and family so they too could be a part of this monumental event. The bus company he sought asked for a non-refundable deposit of about $200.00. He figured, “What the hell. It’s worth the gamble.” Through the brutal Clinton battles and through the McCain-Palin strains he waited, and it paid off.
Today, you would be hard pressed to find a spot on a bus from Philadelphia that’s going down there. If you do, you’re gonna pay a pretty penny for it. Fortunately, this gentleman is only charging us the cost of the bus, as he said that it was never about making a profit. No, we don’t have tickets to mingle with the 250,00 who will be sorta-kinda-almost close to Obama, but we will be mixed in with the 1 million plus watching on the jumbo-trons.
So why am I going? To see the first black President of the United States of America get sworn in. The historical meaning of it all, the warmth of that many people coming together in peace, and knowing that our ancestors will be there in spirit gives me solace just thinking about it. I was at the Million Man March in 1995 and expect to get a similar feeling.
The other reason that I’m going is because I’ll be shooting footage for my documentary film, Black Eloquence: A Look at The Oratorical Skill of African-Americans. Its aim is to bring to light the reasons as to why African-Americans speak with such passion and flair when speaking publicly. While examining such, the film will discuss the affect it has on today’s society and the future of African-Americans as public speakers. It will also take a look at great African-American speakers from the past and present. With video and still cameras in tow, I’ll be doing interviews and take pictures of people on Obama’s speech and on the event.
This will be a great moment in American history, right up there with Kennedy’s “Ich bin ein Berliner” speech and Reagan’s “tear down this wall,” speech. When I return, I’ll share my experience on this blog.
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